What in the name of Daniel Boone’s raccoon hat was that creature growling outside our tent last night?
My wife can kill a houseplant within a week. Sometimes even quicker than that. Some wilt straight into rigor mortis right on our front stoop, fresh from the local nursery.
The little pig replied: “Not by the hair of my chinny-chin chin, Dumb-head.” Which frankly did little for his cause.
The first set of business cards I had printed were a soon-to-be-classic example of “Do Not Do This” for new Realtors.
In 2009, I decided to take advantage of a chance to see Bob Newhart live.
A Dog’s Purpose, the story of a life written from the perspective of a dog, will be released this year. Hey, dogs live in homes too.
That dastardly Colonel Mustard was never much one for originality.
By the way, children, Santa really prefers pecan chocolate chip.
It’s slightly less frightening than wolves
It has come to my attention recently that I am beginning to exhibit some pronounced quirkiness.